so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
