I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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