Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He better not be in your backpack
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize