Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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