Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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