Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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