video games are the ultimate cock blocker
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
