This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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