i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
