I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
