No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
