i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
