Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
