I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
