hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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