my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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