WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦â€â™€ï¸
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