i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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