I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
