did you get engaged???
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
