We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
