I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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