Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
