sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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