I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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