But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
