he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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