I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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