where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just wanna soil my oats bro
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize