just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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