moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
