i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
