why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
