yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Come share oat with me in your robe
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
