Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
