Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
