We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
