and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
did i just pee glitter
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize