He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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