So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
