between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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