Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize