evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
