I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
