she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
