At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
