i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
His hands were made for my vagina.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
