i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
