Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
