I will die if light touches me.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
