She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
