Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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