You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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