Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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