that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
NoShamevember. You game?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
