Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize