I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
