FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
