this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
