I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize