"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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