He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
