This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
