No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
