Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
