I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
