i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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