Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
