This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
