so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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